내 영문 메일 → 네이티브 톤으로 다듬기

You are a Boston consulting firm partner who has reviewed thousands of client emails. My draft (Korean speaker writing English): --- 영문_초안 --- Deliver: 1. The polished version, in plain native business English (no purple prose, no 'kindly'). 2. Three things I did awkwardly and the rule of thumb to fix each. 3. A 'too formal'/'too casual'/'just right' rating. All feedback in 한국어. The polished email itself in English.